My sister came along and said she would like the cat. I told her that I really wanted it, but that I knew that we couldn't have it so long as we had Tonka, as she can't live with other cats. I hesitantly told her that if she owned the cat, I could at least visit it, but then she realized that she could not keep the cat, and maybe her guy friend could take it.
Later I returned home to discover that Scott and Mom had put clips on Tonka's forepaws such that she would be in pain and move slowly, thus making her easier to pick up and manipulate. I was very angry at them, particularly Scott, for doing this to Tonka. I removed the clips.
Later in the dream I was back with the other cat again. I was trying to convince Erin that I had loved the new cat for a long time, that I had even named it, though to my frustration I could not remember the name. Scott reminded me that I had named it something like "Kotu." Supposedly the name had a special meaning to me, but I thought to myself that the name sounded dumb and I should find a better name for the cat. Erin asked me how this cat and Tonka were different. This is when I realized that they looked very much the same, except that the new cat did not have subtle stripes like Tonka does.
The dream changed. For a school assignment, Scott and I had to put on a skit, and for the skit I had to write a song. I had written the song, but Scott informed me that he thought the second half needed to be redone to match the quality of the first half. I was frustrated by this, and I told him the second half was the best part of the song and that you could tell because you could hear the crowds cheering in the recording. (I think this section of the dream was partly inspired by my frustrations about having to redo our taxes after encountering bugs on Turbo Tax.)
Then to the school skit, which was being put on outdoors. In the play I was a hippie/gypsy, and I wore a hippie skirt and shirt that I used to wear as a child in waking life. At the end of the play my character had to die to enable her son to go off with some man who would become his mentor and guide him to becoming a historical figure of great magnitude.
Later on, my playmates and I decided that the play would have been better finished with a creepier ending, with some malignant person watching over it all, their face reflected in the rear-view mirror of a car as they bided their time before making their move against the young boy.
In the next scene that I remember clearly, I was climbing into a car with Alex and several other people. I had to share the backseat with Alex. We were going to some sort of event where he would meet people. He was hoping that there he could find someone who would offer up their home to him and allow him to stay while he pieced his life together. In order to get to this event, we drove to a lake, which was hidden behind a giant curtain... (surreal and hard to describe). The dream ended about here.
If I had to interpret this dream, I would say it's about me finding a new goal that, in some ways, resembles an old goal. The two goals are similar in that they both give me great joy and are about self-expression, but right now it seems difficult to maintain both goals simultaneously. I feel I must defend the new goal to my inner critic, arguing that this is something I have always wanted. Despite how much I long for the new goal and think it could nurture me, I worry that ultimately it may be shelved because of my alliance to the old goal.
That said, the old goal's wings are clipped. Though this thought upsets me, it is the conclusion that both my male logic and female intuition came to. The old goal is probably music composition, as suggested by the following dream, wherein my male/logical side argues that while some of the music is good, a song of mine isn't likely to be successful, despite the adoration of fans.
In the public scene, I sacrifice my free/feminine/creative self -- the person I naturally was as a child -- in order to nurture a strong masculine persona that can offer up many accomplishments. Privately, however, I feel that this is a self-betrayal, and I fear that in the future, when I reflect back on my life, I will regret making this sacrifice.
I am in transition. Though I still don't feel I am in the driver's seat of my life, I am getting back to my emotions and my free/feminine/creative side, which have been hiding behind the curtains. I hope that once I reunite with that aspect of me and embrace my full self, I can start piecing together a life that feels right for me.